Are you quietly and steadily building Low self-esteem? The language you use, the self-talk that goes on ... these easily changed habits, built up over time can be changed to result in a more confident, positive and outward looking you. Choose to have High self-esteem ...

Five Bad Habits that Contribute to Low Self Esteem

Self esteem doesn’t emerge, fully grown, at birth. It develops over time as we notice negative messages and allow them to influence our behavior. Eventually, bad habits result, which limit the ability to recognize one’s value and self worth. Finding a healthier level of self esteem requires confrontation of these negative habits and a conscious effort to replace them with positive messages and rituals.

Some of the negative habits are easy to spot. If one consistently puts himself or herself down, for instance, it might be easy to make the connection between that behavior and his or her low self esteem. Other bad habits are less obvious. Let’s look at five such habits that contribute to low self esteem.

Putting oneself last. Society commends those who are not self-centered and who are willing to put the needs of others above their own. That kind of self-sacrifice can be wonderful, but when carried to an extreme it often convinces one that he or she really doesn’t matter as much as do others. It can also lead to resentment. Kindness and generosity are truly spectacular traits, but when carried to an extreme they can undermine self esteem. If you are constantly tending to the needs of others and are overlooking your own needs, find a way to give yourself the time and attention you deserve.

Apologizing excessively. One should apologize when his or her acts cause difficulties for others or unforeseen consequences. However, when one begins to apologize for those things over which he or she has no real control, it can exact a heavy psychological toll. Apologizing for others or for the general state of the world is akin to taking personal responsibility for negative events in which one did not play a role. It creates a sensation of guilt and can crush one’s self esteem. If you find yourself apologizing for things in which you didn’t have a hand, consider new ways of expressing your sympathy or empathy without taking on a sense of personal responsibility.

Ignoring nuance. Those with low self esteem often see the world in very black and white terms. There is little, if any gray. An action was either a success or a failure. Either one did things the right way or the wrong way. The world rarely works perfectly, and those who have a tendency to divide the world into precise categories find themselves decrying almost all of their actions as inadequate because they don’t meet the standards of perfection. Being open to more possibilities and permutations can create the kind of open mindset in which self esteem can thrive. If you find yourself convinced that everything is either “A” or “B,” take some time to explore alternative perspectives and look at situations from new angles.

Constant comparisons. People with low self esteem often fall into a trap in which they constantly compare themselves to others. The idea of measuring oneself against a reference point may not seem problematic, but it can be. When the comparison process takes center stage, every activity is reduced to measurement. Instead of experiencing life’s joys on their own terms, those who constantly compare themselves to others spend their time wondering if they are “good enough.” In time, that habit can severely restrict the development of healthy self esteem levels. If you find yourself worrying about how you “stack up” in almost any situation, think about different ways of approaching experiences.

Sad stories. Those with low self esteem often find themselves recounting horror stories to others. Instead of sharing positive news or information, they communicate tales of strife, difficulty and problems. Not only does this have a deleterious impact on self esteem by focusing the mind of the negative, it also makes others less likely to seek out meaningful communication with the storyteller. Those reduced levels of interpersonal interaction further contribute to low self esteem. If you find yourself always sharing woeful tales, reconsider your communicative choices.

The bad habits that encourage low self esteem come in a variety of forms. Some are obvious; others may not be easy to spot. Discovering those negative habits and confronting them, however, is integral to developing a higher level of self esteem. If you are dealing with self esteem issues, take care to notice how some of your seemingly innocuous behaviors may be contributing to your negative worldview. Isolate them and consciously confront them, replacing them with more psychologically healthy alternatives.

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